It all started on one of those days you just need a break. A little escape and reprieve from the current craziness. When that happens I’ll occasionally – who am I kidding, its more than occasionally – turn to pintrest and loose myself to dreaming of all the wonderful things that could be. Somehow I ended up on “wolf dogs” . Ive always had a love of wolves (even did my favorite school report on them!) but don’t ask me how I went from scrolling beautiful house pictures to pictures of wolfy looking dogs.
So here I was admiring the wildness of these domestic dog breeds when I come across the Tamaskan. It was like one of those chick flicks where everything slows down and their eyes meet. Only I was connecting with a random photo on pinterest, but you get the idea. Now I’ll fill you in on a little fact about me: when I find something I like, I research the crap out of it. This was no exception. I started reading all I could all while pinning pictures like a crazy dog lady. I eventually accumulated enough information to satisfy my curiosity, for now.
Please tell me Im not the only one who get lost on pinterest? Anyway, It was with that load of information I had just accumulated that I approached CJ (my husband) on that fine and sunny day (I truly cant remember if it was sunny but when I think back it only seems fitting). It happened to be near my birthday and I proudly announced all I wanted for my birthday was a Tamaskan puppy.
Prepare yourself for the inevitable sad turn which every good story needs…… He said no. It was a no, like there was no chance, don’t keep dreaming Jilane, its not going to happen kind of no.
Here’s another fun fact about me, Im a dreamer. I hold things in my heart while working towards achieving them and I apparently have no limit to how many dreams I can hold. If it weren’t for someone putting the reigns on my obsessive dreaming we would be run dry; out of money, resources and energy. So don’t be too hard on CJ at this point – he knows me very well since we’ve been dating since high school – and knows he has to be firm or else ill hold a tiny piece of hope and be constantly disappointed if it doesn’t happen.
You might be wondering why this mean man (aka CJ) said no to an amazing and wonderful dog. If you weren’t wondering that, i’m sorry, Im telling you anyway. We already have an amazing white german shepherd dog along with two younger kids and CJ didn’t want to complicate our life with the responsibility of a new puppy. It was time that might take away from our kids or our german shepherd. He is logical to no end and cute puppy pictures had no effect.
This is where our story could have ended, sadly. But for a Disney lover like myself, a sad ending simply isn’t in the plan of life. I put the issue to rest, while never completely letting go of this dream.
Fast forward over a year and out of the blue CJ starts mentioning that our german shepherd, Spetsna, needs a puppy. Wait what?!?! Where did this come from. A literal 180.
Let me rewind a bit. You see, we are photographers and CJ had done a family shoot for a family with two dogs. He had a chance to see them interact and also learned the younger dog had pepped up the older one with its zest for life. Most of my childhood we have had two dogs so I have seen this fact first hand. Our kids where now a bit older and Spetsna wasn’t getting any younger. In fact he was becoming bored. We now had a puppy size hole in our puzzle what hadn’t previously been there! At first I bated my time and didn’t get my hopes up too high. Honestly I didn’t even believe that CJ had meant it. But over the course of a couple months the subject kept coming up, via CJ not myself, and we had lots of random encounters with multi family dogs that only confirmed that this was the right thing for us now.
It was GO time. I spent every free moment I had doing more researching, joining every Tamaskan group I could find and asking questions of Tam owners. I did loads of breeder research and painstakingly put in puppy applications. Then I waited. And dreamed.
What I didn’t realize was that God was preparing us during this time of “wait”. From that beginning love at first sight moment years ago, to this moment. We were being prepared via the crossing of paths with amazing people, learning opportunities put in our way, and new hobbies and interests blooming in our hearts. If we had skipped the painful “wait”, our lives wouldn’t be as rich as they are now. We would have skipped some amazing things because we wanted what we wanted and we wanted it now. There were things we didn’t even know we were missing and because of that we would have never went searching for them. But things have a way of finding you if you are obediently in a season of waiting. Good things. I dare say our life would have been miserable if we had gotten a puppy when I wanted, we weren’t ready. So even a wonderful gift, when stolen too early, can be a curse. Trust and wait.
Let me put a disclaimer here. I believe in what is called actively waiting. Learning, preparing and being ACTIVE. Sitting moping in the corner like a toddler because you cant have what you want isn’t helping. Put your heart into doing the things you CAN do right now. Here’s another warning for you; sometimes while you wait, your dream might change. It might change into a bigger and better gift than you could of ever dreamed up yourself if you had not been actively waiting and loving every moment of life in the “in between.” The uncomfortable in between of wanting something but not having it. Just do what you can in this moment and soak up everything life has for you NOW while dreaming of the future. Its so easy to completely miss the now because you are only looking forward.
Here’s and example: You want a new house? Well maybe you should deep clean the one you have and make it as amazing as possible. Who knows, you might re-fall in love with it and be saved the hassle of moving. OR you might be ready for that “out of the blue” house showing that comes up randomly and because of your improvements, you sell your house immediately so you can have the house of your dreams.
Or you wish you could take that trip to Europe so badly it feels like a knife in your heart when you see your friends pictures on Instagram, the ones of them frolicking the cobblestone streets of Spain? Well then commit yourself to learning every single thing you can about travel and Europe and anything related. Go connect with people who love the same things and ask questions. Who know, you might find a European ish city in the USA, one you have never known about. You might fall in love with it, make lasting friendships there, be able to visit frequently – all while not going into debt. OR while you are in your season of actively waiting, one of those random questions you ask on a message board connects you to a new travel company who needs a fearless traveler to go to go to Europe and blog about it – all on their bill.
Do you get it now? Sometimes the dream changes to be something you didn’t know you wanted or maybe it stays the same. Either way waiting contently where you are at, all while still striving for the dream is key. Its a hard balance to find but its all in the process of learning and its an invaluable skill to learn for a happy life. And the sooner you learn it the better off you’ll be.
If I hadn’t trusted in God’s will for my life, I wouldn’t be here with a fuzzy puppy licking my feet. But I also wouldn’t have captured more dreams for my heart to hold on to (sorry CJ). The wish of skijoring, bikejoring, agility training, therapy dog work, and dog enrichment activities. I also would have missed out on meeting so many amazing people along the road to owning a Tamaskan. People who patiently taught, listened, and shared their stories.
You see, sometimes, the happy ending is better than the dream.
